Letter to the Editor
Deadbeat parents
Published Tuesday, July 1, 2008
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To the editor:
What happened to the welfare of kids? Why do some people want children, just to turn around and dispose of them like they are forgotten trash buried in some landfill?
Yes, I’m talking about the deadbeat parents of our society who don’t want anything to do with their own children.
Many of them are ordered to pay child support, and many of them spend a great deal of time running from that order, hiding from the responsible parent or making promises that they always fail to keep. Don’t they realize that the ones they are actually hurting are their own children?
When they don’t fulfill their financial responsibility to their children by paying child support, they are actually robbing their own kids of the necessities they need in life like food, shelter and clothing.
Do the lowlifes not realize how much of a struggle it is for the responsible parents out there who actually care about their kids that they cause them much hardship and stress?
They don’t know the tears that are cried every day, the worries that are felt every day, the prayers that are prayed every night hoping God will yet provide just one more day what the deadbeat sperm and egg donors refuse to give to their children.
They are a disgrace to our society. They are disgusting. They should stop hurting their children and take responsibility for once.
Community Discussion
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I propose a "Shame Day" in the DNM, where all those in arrears have their names printed in the paper for friends and neighbors to read and exclaim over. To be fair, we could offer on the same page an "explanation opportunity" for the parent in question to offer his or her reasons for being behind on support (there are some who have legitimate reasons, this is true). Sheriff Joe in Maricopa County rounds them up and takes them to "tent city" on Thanksgiving Day, I believe - and even if I'm wrong on this one, there is a listing of deadbeat parent's names and their arrearages (and pictures in some cases...) on the website. Take a look: http://www.mcso.org/index.php?a=GetModul...
Just my thoughts anyway.
Some years back, the Onion ran a story about how childcare workers had to now undergo background checks, but child-creators don't.
Just think, if we stopped dumb people from reproducing, the population would plummet in not time. The demand for oil would likewise drop, solving our current inflation issues.
Of course, the downside of this is that, without dumb people, the News-Miner blog would be far less entertaining.
Never a perfect solution, is there?
I believe in equal opportuniy. Deadbeat parents would be allowed to work and then when their work day is over they go straight to jail. In the morning they leave jail and go back to work. Seems many would start paying for their children they helped to create. Then again, maybe not.
I believe in equal opportunity. Deadbeat parents would be allowed to work and then when their work day is over they go straight to jail. In the morning they leave jail and go back to work. Seems many would start paying for their children they helped to create. Then again, maybe not.
I agree with Dan. As the grandmother of a precious little girl who's father lives within driving distance and has only bothered to see her 3 times in her 4 years on this earth and called to speak with her maybe twice, Yet is the one who talked my daughter into having his child and has not paid a dime in child support in over 3 years. He plays the game where as soon as support enforcement finds where he works he quits. Thankfully My daughter works and she has my husband and I to help with the cost of raising a child. In the mean time this guy went and created another child and doesn't pay for that one either. They ought to make this a more serious charge and lock these guys up it may cut down on the amount DHS pays out on behalf of deadbeat parents!!
Yes, I agree with Dana, the State should publish names in the State website on who owes child support and how much.
This is a hard subject but when you the one who knows to get out of that relationship, you know that it is not going to end well. I know because when I left my ex in fear of what may happen it went downhill from there first the stalking then the kidnapping and in the long run my kids started to hate me for all that he had done. First the I won't work for you so that you and the kids have more than me, I won't get the dividend because that will go to you also. I will job hop and move out of state so that you will not get a dime. Yeah I do know that I was the better parent, but I won't say that it wasn't bumpy at first and maybe alot of mistakes latter but in the end I still wait to see if he pays child support that was 22 years ago. So I guess what I am saying is unless you are in a perfect relationship and you can get along with your ex then you will have money coming in and if not you will need to take more steps to get through cause these guys will not pay child support.
This article also addresses both parents that chose to "throw away" there children. Those of you who are single parents have kids that are lucky in comparison to the ones the letter refers to. Check out http://www.throwawaykids.net/ or just google "throw away kids" and you'll get tons of websites. This occurs in Alaska more than an average person thinks. It is difficult to keep stats on this because many of the kids end up lost in society. Foster care can be tracked though. As a kid we had a foster child that lived with us for 10 years. His story is incredible and is one of the lucky ones to be placed in a stable home. He now makes twice as much money as me and has a nice family. However, many don't end up a success story.
here is the other side of the coin... my husband pays his support and is nevere late and takes his visit the ex got remarried between her and the new husband makes more then me and my husband... but we still have to use my husbands money to pay her so her and my husband have equal money..... but as a step mom i buy everything for my step daughter while they go on trips and she has her spa and hair treatments weeley.... joint in most states means no child support....... so it is not just dead beet parents it also the parent who recieves the checks and does not use it for the cjhild but for themselves and i am not talking about using it for esentials or bills........
And, yet another side of the coin...
I have full custody. My indigent ex plays the "run from CSED" game as well, generally only holding a job until they catch up to her and then moving to another. When she does keep a job and pay child support, I get about 2-3 times the number of harassing and demanding phone calls.
Fact is, I make easily 4-5 times as much as her. Do I need her support? NO! Will my child miss out on "necessities they need in life like food, shelter and clothing." Heck no!
Generally, when I get a check from CSED, I go out to dinner and a movie to celebrate the poetic justice of her having to pay me!
It's extra money - my bills are already paid. Besides, I'd be a fool if I sat around waiting for this "extra money" to show up (or if I treated it as anything other than "extra money"...)
So, just because you pay child support it does not mean that the receiver actually needs it. Just because I receive child support, it does not mean that I have to use it for essentials or bills.
On another note: Come one people, my mom raised 4 children all by herself with NO CHILD SUPPORT payments whatsoever! Quit whinning and get an education and/or career that allows you to support your kids! We have social programs for exactly this reason!
Finally, I fully 100% endorse Dr. C's post above. I mean, it takes a license to drive a car, but any idiot can have a child. I say mandatory birth control until passing a set list of qualifications to include (at a minimum) mental stability, monetary ability, and proper education in child rearing...
Man, that'd really piss off the LDS, huh?
daisies... good post
My husband also has two children from a previous marraige and he pays his support on time every month talks to them every other day or every day, sees them once a month and gets them for long holidays and summer breaks (they live in anchorage). The monies that are paid to the custodial parent are more then fair and are probably not always being used for what they should be being used for. The kids are covered under my medical and we pay 1/2 of what ever is not covered plus we pay for school supplies cloths and all the other I wants and I needs that the kids have. Not complaing, I love them as if they were my own! However, the good responsible child support paying non-custodial parent totally gets screwed by CSSD (they owe my husband money and our case worker has yet to help us resolve the issue and that has been for over 2 years now). The custodial parent is always looked at as the most fit and reaps all the benefits of CSSD, when he has never been late or winked an eye at a medical bill or for anything the kids need. When my husband has an issue and needs the help of CSSD he never receives it.
I hate to say it but in some cases I can see where it would be a flat out "hassle" to want to be responsible for chilren when you try and get nothing but greif from people that are supposed to be a nuteral party. I think the system that is is place causes some of the dead beat parent cases that exisist today.
Some people that don't have the patients do just give up and it is sad that a child or children suffer as a result of it, but maybe if the system that was in place was a "netural party" like they are supposed to be, the non-custodial parents would be more inclined to step up to the plate and take care of the responsibilities that they created!
CSSD needs to have better case workers and case workers that work for the non-custodial parent not just the custodial parent!
"This is Bob Barker reminding everyone to please have your pets spayed or neutered."
Good one DenaliGuy!
I don't understand why non-custodial parents (or the current spouses of non-custodial parents) feel like they shouldn't have to pay child support if the custodial parent is making ends meet without it. Why should the non-custodial parent be off the hook for financially owning up to the costs of their children just because their ex went on to be successful?
Don't worry God knows what He is doing. There must be a reason for deadbeat parents or God wouldn't allow it. I can't imagine He made deadbeat parents simply to encourage children to pray every night.
getreal - Custodial parents are treated the same way by CSSD; I know I have asked them why it seems that they are working for the non-custodial. There are inequities on both ends. But, I wholeheartedly disagree with you that CSSD "causes" deadbeat parenthood. It is just the opposite - deadbeat parenthood causes CSSD. Like I mentioned above, there are cases where delinquency of support obligations are at least explainable, but the majority are likely not easily explained away. Public "humiliation" would go a long way to correcting the problem.
I agree with newsreader and curmudgeon about parenting licenses...although, I doubt I ever would have earned one....
Actually a deadbeat's name is listed on credit reports. If they in the rears it is considered a late or deliquent payment, especially if the State or the ex filed a claim against them.
I know of many who have been turned down for home loans due to this.
Yeah - Don't worry - God knows what he's doing.
That's why we have so much war, famine, disease, pestilence, drought, forced teen prostitution and drug addiction, dogs starving at transfer stations, chronic inebriates "plaguing" our city, etc, etc, etc. Because our benevolent, loving God knows what he's doing and wants it that way!
Yeah Right! You crack me up -- thanks for the laugh!
maybe god did these things to teach us how to care?
Well Dana then we agree to disagree. They have never done anything to help my husband and all the other non-custodial parents that I know and am friends with. They are horrible people to deal with and every week it seems like they are changing the case workers around.
I guess I shouldn't have said dead beat parents... I should say they are the reason for some non-paying non-custodial parents that still see and interact with children. Which still doesn't make it okay!
bigchinasean - "God knows what he is doing..." You crack me up... I second newsreaders blog!
Tundrabunny - who said anything about the non-custodial parent "getting off the hook" because the custodial parent is "successful"? Oh and current spouses of non-custodial parent are 100% NOT RESPONSIBLE for paying for the kids in any way. We choose to pay or help or buy things out of the goodnees of our heart, not to mention the fact that we as the "current spouses" develop emotional bonds with our step children and we want the best for them.
It's how your parents or whoever raised you in my opinion.
"That's why we have so much war, famine, disease, pestilence, drought, forced teen prostitution and drug addiction, dogs starving at transfer stations, chronic inebriates "plaguing" our city, etc, etc, etc. Because our benevolent, loving God knows what he's doing and wants it that way!"
God doesn't do ANY of that. humans do it and cause it all. a little something called free will. even disease is the result of human behavior from the distant past. god has given us enough rope to hang ourselves, and we are rushing into the noose as fast as we can fly. we can't accept the consequences of our rebellion, so we perpetrate the ultimate rebellion and deny that god even exists.
I'll try to give a short version of my experience. My wife was found guilty of contempt for denying me visitation with my daughter on the THIRD time I filed charges. My daughter was then three. Shortly after that they disappeared and I never heard from them for 15 years. I continually asked CSED where they were. They said they are there to represent my daughter and see she gets what I owe her and wouldn't tell me where she was. When she was 16 they contacted me and told me they were doing a routine check of my file and needed to verify the insurance I had for her. Again they refused to tell me her whereabouts. 10 days before she graduated high school I got an envelope from CSED with an invitation to her graduation and a note that said my daughter had asked them to forward it. I traveled to her graduation and discovered that she had been seriously injured in a car accident at 16, that's why the CSED inguiry into my insurance. She also had been asking CSED where I was for a number of years and they told her that they couldn't tell her because for all they knew I didn't want to be found, which they knew was a lie. She was trying to find me to get away from her stepdad who is now in prison for all the years he spent molesting her. CSED sucks! And no, I never missed a child support payment. I was active duty military and it was taken as an allotment directly from my pay. Don't jump to conclusions until you hear all sides of a story. Unfortunately the kids are the ones who suffer the most and their story is rarely heard over the noise of the bickering adults.
Thanks for that Polarmark -- I needed a little more humor in my afternoon.
I especially like the part about "even disease is the result of human behavior from the distant past" - that's a riot!
I don't suppose you'd like to explain how the plagues, polio, MS, TB, or children with cancer are the result of human behavior? That I'd love to hear!
For that matter, when you say "humans do it and cause it all", I'd love to hear how humans caused hurricane Katrina or the 2004 Tsunami in Indonesia.
getreal - I can see in retrospect how you would think my comment was directed right at you. But it wasn't. I don't know anyone on this board well enough to criticize their specific situation, so for what it's worth I apologize.
Threads like this make me very sad for the children.
IF Deadbeat parents fail paying to child support. Deadbeat parents will lose a drivers licence. That's ur choice pay to child support. and keep ur drive's licence.............................
i think the state should take away kids from a lot of divorced parents, not everyone but those that use the kids as pawns in the childish games some of these irresponsible "adults" play. i have never met a divorced person with a child or children that is receiving the amount of support they are supposed to receive.
i am sure there are those that are satisfied but, I have never met them.
i dont think the penalties are severe enough toward