Letter to the Editor

Oh, those roundabouts

To the editor: Roundabouts to calm traffic where Chena Hot Springs Road meets the Steese Highway. Oh, come on. If DOT put a camera texting tickets to speeders in the 40 mph zone, it would solve the problem and earn enough in fines to pay for Dunleavy’s supersized PFD voter bribe.

Unfortunately, I, though armed with an incredible imagination, am not governor.

So instead, I’d like to thank those who helped make the impending roundabouts possible, they being the 90% majority of motorists who didn’t believe they needed to respect the 40 mph speed limit as Chena Hot Springs Road nears the Steese.

After all, speed and sight distances is only physics and we all is larnin’ from the intertubes that spellin, grammar and science is fake, not to mention a load of liberal hooey.

This overwhelming mandate against the ridiculous Jeffersonian ideal of a well-informed, law-abiding citizenry is stark proof that the American experiment is a failure, as well as a repudiation of the U.S. Revolution against British dominion.

Clearly, the People, by their actions, have shown they want to abandon the independence of responsible self-governance and resume British-style rule as exemplified by adopting one of Britain’s most important inventions: roundabouts.

Having spent many years in England, I believe this could be a good thing. In a flip on Brexit, Brentry would also bring such improvements as better table manners, because — let’s face it — most Americans wield their silverware — er, cutlery — like savages stabbing spears into a fresh kill.

Other benefits would include resumption of proper English along with a deeper appreciation for irony.

What with the clamoring — er, clamouring — that our distant leader should be free to act outside the law, I’d say the desire for a king is within reach of fulfillment and we’re well on our way to tea at 4.

Just remember, until we switch to driving on the left side of the road, when you navigate a roundabout, please go anti-clockwise, this being the proper way to reference “counter-clockwise” rotation.

Jolly good show everyone!

Guidelines

The Daily News-Miner encourages residents to make themselves heard through the Opinion pages. Readers' letters and columns also appear online at newsminer.com. Contact the editor with questions at letters@newsminer.com or call 459-7574.

Community Perspective

Send Community Perspective submissions by mail (P.O. Box 70710, Fairbanks AK 99707) or via email (letters@newsminer.com). Submissions must be 500 to 750 words. Columns are welcome on a wide range of issues and should be well-written and well-researched with attribution of sources. Include a full name, email address, daytime telephone number and headshot photograph suitable for publication (email jpg or tiff files at 150 dpi.) You may also schedule a photo to be taken at the News-Miner office. The News-Miner reserves the right to edit submissions or to reject those of poor quality or taste without consulting the writer.

Letters to the editor

Send letters to the editor by mail (P.O. Box 70710, Fairbanks AK 99707), by fax (907-452-7917) or via email (letters@newsminer.com). Writers are limited to one letter every two weeks (14 days.) All letters must contain no more than 350 words and include a full name (no abbreviation), daytime and evening phone numbers and physical address. (If no phone, then provide a mailing address or email address.) The Daily News-Miner reserves the right to edit or reject letters without consulting the writer.

Submit your news & photos

Let us know what you're seeing and hearing around the community.