Letter to the Editor

Oh, those roundabouts

To the editor: Roundabouts to calm traffic where Chena Hot Springs Road meets the Steese Highway. Oh, come on. If DOT put a camera texting tickets to speeders in the 40 mph zone, it would solve the problem and earn enough in fines to pay for Dunleavy’s supersized PFD voter bribe.

Unfortunately, I, though armed with an incredible imagination, am not governor.

So instead, I’d like to thank those who helped make the impending roundabouts possible, they being the 90% majority of motorists who didn’t believe they needed to respect the 40 mph speed limit as Chena Hot Springs Road nears the Steese.

After all, speed and sight distances is only physics and we all is larnin’ from the intertubes that spellin, grammar and science is fake, not to mention a load of liberal hooey.

This overwhelming mandate against the ridiculous Jeffersonian ideal of a well-informed, law-abiding citizenry is stark proof that the American experiment is a failure, as well as a repudiation of the U.S. Revolution against British dominion.

Clearly, the People, by their actions, have shown they want to abandon the independence of responsible self-governance and resume British-style rule as exemplified by adopting one of Britain’s most important inventions: roundabouts.

Having spent many years in England, I believe this could be a good thing. In a flip on Brexit, Brentry would also bring such improvements as better table manners, because — let’s face it — most Americans wield their silverware — er, cutlery — like savages stabbing spears into a fresh kill.

Other benefits would include resumption of proper English along with a deeper appreciation for irony.

What with the clamoring — er, clamouring — that our distant leader should be free to act outside the law, I’d say the desire for a king is within reach of fulfillment and we’re well on our way to tea at 4.

Just remember, until we switch to driving on the left side of the road, when you navigate a roundabout, please go anti-clockwise, this being the proper way to reference “counter-clockwise” rotation.

Jolly good show everyone!


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