Letter to the Editor
Child accosted
Published Saturday, October 11, 2008
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To the editor:
This letter is directed to the middle-aged man with wife and child who was at the U-Scan at Fred Meyer West on Saturday, Oct. 4, at approximately 4:30 p.m. I hope it made you feel like a real man when you accosted my 11-year-old daughter over the fact that she accidentally went in front of you to check out.
When she said she was sorry, you totally ignored her. And to your wife who stood there submissively, I can only hope when your child is older, she does not run into someone like your husband who will embarrass her and make her cry! In the future, look around for the parent. Let’s see if you are a big enough man to take on another adult. Or do you only confront children?
Community Discussion
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Seems like the old days are just getting older and the things that used to be considered "normal" have changed. When I was growing up it was nothing for a complete stranger to correct me or my siblings if we were getting out of line; and my parents weren't around. Seems to me I remember those occurances more than I do most of the times my parents corrected me. I know my parents never berated another adult for correcting me when it was obviously necessary (like if I was cutting in line). I wasn't there (at Fred Meyers) and if the guy really acted as childish as you say then that was out of line. He should have accepted your daughters apology, explained himself (calmly), and then made sure she understood why he was so upset. But I don't think he was out of line for getting your daughters attention (which obviously he did) and correcting her. I'll bet she remembers this lesson for the rest of her life! I know I'd want someone to step up to the plate and teach my kids "right from wrong" if my wife or I aren't around. I don't blame Heidi for being upset; but I hope people jump on the bandwagon to support her. This guy may have went about things the wrong way, but I think he was right. Thats my two cents worth.
Oops- I hope people don't get on the bandwagon to support her. Minor typo...lol.
If mom was paying more attention...maybe the incident wouldn't have happened
The man should have been a little nicer in his presentation but your daughter was still in the wrong....get over it
You expect him to look around for the parent? How is he to know who her parent is if you aren't right there with her? If you are willing to let your 11 year old daughter be off on her own, she will have to be able to respond to situations on her own.
If the man did not accept her apology that is his problem. I just don't think any one person in this situation was 100% in the right and able to point a finger.
Where were you Heidi? Did you just let your kid run wild through the store? How many other hardworking adults did your kid disrespect during the visit to Fred Myers?
I've really noticed the kids in this town are just straight up rude and disrespectful to adults. I can remember acting a fool in McDonalds on airport way as a youngster, trying to reach "through" a family to get a straw out of the container. Just when I was "breaking through" to get my straws, I felt a sudden pain on my ear. It was MY dad, twisting it as he pulled me outside, where I got to eat my big mac in the car.
Sounds like the kid was in the wrong. Adult may have went too far, but I doubt it. From the tone of the Mother's letter, any correction at all to her little angel would have been too much. Wonder if the whole story was told here.
wow, sounds like the father (she did say he had a child with he and his wife) is just like most of the commenters on here, tired of being asked to raise someone elses kids by their expectations. If you let your child run through the store to be under the direction of someone else you might want to consider that not everyone has the same techniques on child rearing that you do. I'm with diablo (for once ;) ) there is no way that behavior would have flied with either of my parents.
Best moments as a parent is going to teacher conferences and the kids (both girls) fuss and pout at home to get there way (sometimes it works sometimes it doesnt) so you cringe waiting to hear what the teacher has to say about how they act in class. Both girls teachers have told me since day one that they are great kids and that they wish they had 25 more just like them, and all I can think is 'you sure it was this one?'
That tells me that the free thinking and standing up for ones self is at home, they know that when it comes to outside the house they had BETTER be on their best behavior or the penalty system comes into play. It must work, at least so far.
That abusive action by your father probably explains why you are the way you are now diablo, an insensitive, mean person.
What a bunch of judgemental jerks you people are! It was a self serve checkout, they get confusing for some adults. This is an 11 year old child who probably made a simple mistake and then APOLOGIZED for it. She sounds like more of an adult then the "gentleman" in the store and the people posting here.
iknow: I am not mean or insensitive, opinionated yes. And as far as your accusation that my father was abusive...well maybe you just need a "timeout."
smap: it sounds to me like your pretty judgmental yourself. You should take a look in the mirror.
"Accosted" and "embarrassed and made her cry" have two different meanings to me. I think it's fine for an adult to call a child on inappropriate behavior. To "accost" or physically touch or "humiliate" is another note, and would definitely put me in Mama Bear mode. I do hope that if my child is rude or disrespectful out of my earshot that an adult would caringly confront her and help her learn the "right" way.
And the child was 11 years old...for those of you who are thumping on this mom for letting her child get into line, many 11 year-olds are responsible enough to get into line and pay for their own item. Because of the nature of predators in our community, I would not let my child far out of my sight, but I would let her be "grown up" enough to pay for her own CD or gum.
this should not be a society where an 11 year old would need to be in eyesight of a parent while in a store. As far as people remembering how it was when they were children, we want better for the next generation, not that it happened to me and i survived. If a single incident occurs that is merely a social mistake, where it makes a person fear every aspect of it for life, it is not a lesson, it is tramatic and leads to exactly what ails our society right now, ignorant fools who cannot open their minds up completely because so much of it had been post tramatically shut down. For god sakes shes 11, this is supposed to be the best times of a persons' life, not one where we scare them into becoming the next ted bundy.
it takes a village to raise a child, this guy was obviously a democrat, and mom is a republican, perhaps, let's blame Bush or McCain or Hillary. Kids are kids they don't always think about these things, adults should act like adults, and just act on impulse.
and not just act on impulse
I've got a feeling that smap99712 is on the money. The child probably made an innocent mistake and the goon was feeling tough.
I've never met the child, but I do know the mother and she is a sweet lady. Maybe the child is wild, but I sincerely doubt it. There is no shortage of adult idiots in Fairbanks, in case you haven't noticed.
goldstreamer01: Does everything have to be about party? If you must bring it up, then I as a republican - see it the other way - Mom is a whining liberal and the man is a republic sick of you liberals and your mamby pamby attitudes of "it takes a village to raise a child". Why can't parents raise children? Because they want the village to do it, but they only want the village to give them positive "enriching" moments of music and liberal appreciation. Punitive results don't play into their method or the village's method of model parenting!
I defend sourdough. I am sick of kids running wild in this town. Seriously, I am nearly convinced that shopping outings are the only time when many kids in this town get to run and play anymore. So they do it full force, running and sliding with those roller shoes all about Fred's and Walmart. Oh what fun they could have if you losers unplugged your coparents - the life sucking electronics and sent these kids out to play in the midnight sun! What a great place to grow up - and how many of the kids in this town are active any more? Sure, get them in soccer - organize every aspect of their lives. Let them buy their gum and cds, but MAKE them get out of this insanity and be kids outside! With what money are they even buying this crap?
Many kids in this town are RUDE, disrespecful, manipulative and lazy! Not to mention, many of the teens are bored out of their minds in our liberal schools resorting to all sorts of drugs and illegal activities. You can find the good kid - but I know LOTS and LOTS of kids in this community from all walks of life and these are the worst I've met of any of the places I've ever lived. This is also the first place where I've lived that the liberals were nasty and bitter. Connection? I think so!
Why were any of you in the Uscan anyway? If you use Uscan, you should get a 10% employee discount, seeing how you are your own cashier!
that was sarcasm, which comes from reading these posts, I, as an uncle don't want other people abusing my nephews.
"Immarryd" Give it a break.
You would've hated being in the presence of my mother as I was coming up....yes, even at 11 years of age.
My mother had PERMISSION from OTHER parents to DISCIPLINE for bad behavior on her watch.
And here are complaints about someone merely putting a child in check VERBALLY?
Put that man in JAIL!!!!!!!!!
And frankly, I don't give a damn who calls me "mean" "insensitive"....blah...blah...blah...!
1. It would have been very welcomed if another adult put me in check for that behavior. Accident or not. I welcome the same if my children exhibit unsavory or "accidental" behavior as well.
2. Mom probably would have smacked me upside the head also.
And 3.(drumroll please) I never "got scared into becoming the next Ted Bundy." You can't be serious with THAT line.
Personally, I lost count a long time ago how many times I hear OR see disrespectful behavior coming from our youth.
My "other half," and even my kids KNOW how it makes my blood boil...which is why they always mumble under their breath......"please don't say anything...please."
It never works though.....I always do.
Do kids make mistakes of this kind? Yes.
Should they be put in check for it? I say yes.
It's crazy.....folks like to talk about the state of our youth in the present day, but the slightest hint of some "old school" discipline, and all hell breaks loose.
Sorry, it doesn't wash here.
As someone who got an ass-whipping IN THE SCHOOL COATROOM, during class (2nd grade)......for bad behavior....among many other instances......I can honestly say I'm not angry, traumatized, NEED COUNSELING, or any of that bull.
I would have accepted the apology of this child for sure. That's admirable....but I think the child would've been hard pressed to cut in front of me in the first place.
Nothing wrong with putting a child in check.
All the "are you a real man," and "are you a big enough man to take on another adult" comments are unnecessary.
Sounds like he probably would have accepted the challenge.
No, no, no; the man was a Czar, and the child a peasant farmer. The mother was obviously a Bolshevik.
Sheesh folks. Can the commenting get any more absurd than the partisan bile previously posted above??
Please remind me to avoid MOST of these persons in the check-outs, whether they be automated or staffed. They clearly lack the social skills to be out in public without their parents' parents, regardless of their age.
Oh Boy!
sounds to me like this guy was a bit overzealous in his handling of the situation. i've come to discover that fairbanks has its share of socially inept people so this story comes as a small surprise to me.
oldskool-i know you didn't notice, but you are the person i was talking about. Oh, and so you don't have to spend an hour pondering, that was not a compliment.
Both are in the right. The girl probably did not know she was wrong. The man was right for telling the kid off. I do not know how many times parents have let their kids be rude. I think the only person in the wrong was the parent for writing this letter. Stop defending your children and start taking some responsibility for their mistakes. I mean yes he yelled, but are you always going to let you kids get away with everything. Stop blaming everyone and discipline your children. Parents these days need to make our world better, most do but the ones who do not really have a big impact on our cities. alligo
You know I never knew there was so much hatred in Fairbanks. But everyday I've been running into this. Kids make mistakes, correcting the child is one thing, but beligering is another. I bet that man felt like a hero making an 11 year old girl cry.
I'm sure all of you rooting for the man in this case would be first ones to call a lawyer if he had done it to one of yours. How are kids to learn respect when adults don't even display it.
immarryd, you are a piece of work to say the least. Are you accusing OldSkool of beng a serial Killer because he took a few, probably well deserved, a$$ whoopins by his mom? I bet you'd be surprised by just who helps protect YOU from the criminally insane people in this town.
Children who are disciplined properly, as is sound like OldSkool was, learn the difference between wrong and right. Those who grow up doing whatever they want to tend to be the loony types.
And by the way, I didn't merely survive, I excel in everything I do, especially at schooling idiots like yourself.
When I was 14 this kid shot a baby under her left eye, I chased the little ...... down and broke his BB gun, he asked, what will I tell my dad, I said, the truth, he said but my dad is a cop he will beat me, I said, better him beat then me.
Ask the store for the video of the incident.
haha videos recorders cost a lot in 73. Thought I would throw it out there for the heck of it.