A precipice

A place too high

A principal

Do not climb

Stay away from aether

And you'll be safe

With all thee others

Amongst the plains

Find another

Seems only too sane

Still some other

Not the same

Now truly grasping

The sense of time passing

Deeply knowing

The sight of white snowing

Newly foreboding

The scent of life's erosion

What is this illusion?

An interpretation

Touched by treading high ground

So, where are you going?

A place never found?

Why are you going?

It was never lost

Always bound

With every problem there is a battle

Silence this life's perpetual brattle

No more shall it roam as cattle

Nihilistically all but atoms and prattle

Coward one is not simply for quitting

What is a challenge with no incentive for winning?

Ending such a ruse seems duly befitting

Bar the phobia of consequential sinning

Silence your worries with your needs

Never again status, that is your creed

Can you lose your path and be set free?

Needn't the belost path weave agony?

So much is true as there is life worth living

Happiness is everywhere, and time is forgiving

=]

My head is a twisted place, no kidding. I don't believe I'm a malicious element of society, but I do believe I have some weird mental issues.

In my head I refer to myself as multiple people. When operating whatever situation I'll tell myself the methods of doing by instruction. Yes, I verbally instruct myself what to do in my head using terminology like "we're not going to be able to do X", "Khriss, do X", etc. Furthermore, this person (me) in my head that instructs me to do things I don't symbolize as being the me that's operating body functions. That's not it, either, there are at least six people in my head (all me) constantly conversing with each other. Ofc, that means I'm just talking to myself. They keep me in line, they support me, they tell me things, they give me somebody to talk to.

There's another problem with me; I lack people to talk to. Granted I can communicate on the level that most people would require for normal social progression, however, I do not halt my wants at normal. I generally pick friends that can keep up with what I'm saying when I talk about the topics I normally refrain from. Why refrain? A plethora of the topics I wish to present are, simply put, not suitable for most people's ears. When in social situations I begin to manifest thoughts of sociology and psychology by default, and that usually leads to other topics including philosophy and various sciences. Personally, I love talking about these topics and I am lucky enough to have a handful of friends that can generally understand what's up, but seeing as my thoughts deviate from that point, it's very monotonous for me to forge relationships with people whom have a different origin of noetic preference. This is only the case with relationships that extend beyond the extravertive realm, as it is very easy to make friends with somebody while not sharing points of view, ideas, thoughts, etc. Sadly, I have extremely high standards. I lust for relationships in which emotion is turned with each page, and experience is rich. The more of these I do end up obtaining, the more elaborate my idealizations become and the harder I must try.

I have an inferiority complex for this reason. No matter how extreme or proficient I become with a given subject ... I always feel as if I could improve immensely. I do not hold anyone else to standards as high as the ones I hold myself to. This is because if anyone else were to exhibit a trait above my standards, my self-standards would instantly reflect that and I would, successively, begin building that trait as rapidly as I can in order for me to approve of myself. I really, really hate not being good enough, deductively, and 'good enough' is a hard idea to swallow when there's always room to improve; you are what you eat. All of this inferiority is not reflective of other people. I don't think I'm inferior to anybody, for I believe that we're all equal, just different. I feel inferior to, and this wraps around to the beginning folks, myself. Y'see, one of the personalities in my head I have symbolized as nonpareil. The person I wish I could be. I append all sorts of traits I to this other personality in my head in order to build a paragon, and then I allow this paragon to influence the other me, the one that operates in the material world, in order to build him (me) to the same level. It's an eternal struggle.

Nevertheless, I'm always fine with life. I understand that the universe is a single entity operating in a defined flux of always and never, thus I simply watch myself. I do not believe there are such things as free will, opinions, or decisions *physically*. I have my arbitrary and wholly subjective wants and needs, but I don't feel that they are a necessity for absolute comfort. I feel as if they are merely toys to keep my interest in order for an evolutionary cycling of atoms. I believe that human nature is what humans have been designed to be as due to the behavior of evolution. As nihilistic as that sounds ... I'm totally cool with that. I'll play my role, but I'm not going to take it seriously. 65% Oxygen, 18% Carbon, 10% Hydrogen, 3% Nitrogen, 1.5% Calcium, 1% Phosphorus, and trace amounts of Lithium, Strontium, Aluminum, Silicon, Lead, Vanadium, Arsenic, Bromine, Copper, Zinc, Selenium, Molybdenum, Fluorine, Chlorine, Iodine, Manganese, Cobalt, and Iron. As one could figure, we're nothing 'special'. Luckily, there's no reason to be 'special'.

As for my wants and desires ... well, I'm not sure. I'm currently part of a group with very immense ambitions, but I won't disclose them. Other than that I suppose I'd like the chance to fall in love; I'd like to explore; I'd like to know the universe; I'd like to be puzzled. However, I'm ok of none of this happens just the same.

...I totally wanna fall in love, though. Sounds *so* tight.