FAIRBANKS — If the Mayans are right, this is your last night here on Earth. Who wants to spend the final hours glued to CNN waiting for the implosion or explosion or whatever other cataclysmic way we’re going to bite the cosmic big one?
We have a suggestion. Unlock the doors, raise the blinds, fire up the smoke machine and put on your heels, because we know exactly what you need.
You need a post-apocalyptic kiki.
So here it is, Fairbanks. Your guide to some super hot end-of-the-world events taking place tonight. And if by fate the gods smile down upon us and let us hang around until Saturday, we’ve included some banging gigs on that night, too.
Friday night events
The 2012 Alyeska Winter Solstice Festival
5 p.m. in downtown. Free
The 2012 Winter Solstice Festival in downtown Fairbanks celebrates the darkest day of the year and the return of light to the Interior. It features traveling bands performing live music, carolers in the streets and shops, a visit from Cocoa the Reindeer at Arctic Traveler’s Gift Shop, and a lighting ceremony of luminaries in Golden Heart Plaza for Relay for Life. Mrs. Claus will be available for photos at Fairbanks Community Museum (and she always bring gifts, according to the Downtown Association of Fairbanks.) Also, the Downtown Association is bringing back is winter solstice fireworks display at 7:30 p.m.
It’s the End of the World Dance Party
At the Golden Eagle in Ester. Free
The Golden Eagle is showing off its new sound system, and in the words of organizers on Facebook, “It’s something to dance about!” Starting time is fluid — this is Ester. Show up in the evening, and it’s liable to be rocking. No cover but the bar is cash only.
Winter Solstice and End of the World Rock Party
9 p.m. to 2 a.m. at The Blue Loon, 2999 Parks Highway. $5
The Blue Loon is sending us out with a rocking bang as it hosts three local bands to ring in the apocalypse. Rivers of Mercury, 12 Year Stretch and Lucid are all on the bill if you choose to rock your last night away.
End of the World EDM Bash
10 p.m. to 3 a.m. The Marlin. $3
DJ TonyH — probably the hottest local DJ Fairbanks has seen in a long time — is going to be spinning some out-of-this world EDM for our last night. Like the flier stays, “The End of the World is near. Why not go out fist-pumping with one hand and a drink in the other?” We like it. And we better her a good electro remix of “Till The World Ends.”
8:30-11 p.m., Pioneer Park Dance Hall. $5 members, $6 non-members
Want something a little more low key for your last fox trot on the third rock from the sun? Shimmy your way over to the Pioneer Park Dance Hall, where the Ballroom Dance Club of Fairbanks is hosting a holiday dance to celebrate the returning light. (No partner necessary. Please bring clean, non-marking shoes. www.fairbanksballroom.org)
8:15 p.m., Hap Ryder Riverfront Theatre, 1852 Second Ave
If your last night out (ever) includes family time, this is the gig you need to hit. The Fairbanks Drama Association extended the run to include performances tonight and Saturday for two reasons: The play is very popular with audiences, and harsh weather during some of the run made it difficult for families to get out. (Ticket prices: $22 adults; $18 seniors, military and university students; $14 teens ages 13-18 years; and $10 for children ages 6-12 years. Call 456-PLAY to reserve tickets.)
10 p.m. to 2:30 a.m. The Beach Bar (former The Hideout)
The hardest working band in Fairbanks — Burnt Orange — is spending doomsday doing what it does best: Playing some kickin’ music. The band is a Fairbanks fave and is hitting The Beach Bar for tonight’s apocalyptic blowout. Bonus event: If we survive, you can catch them Saturday at Lower LA, 636 28th Ave.
Saturday night events
An Acoustic Celebration of the War on Christmas
8 p.m. College Coffeehouse, 3677 College Road, suite 4. $5
Local musicians raising money for Clucking Blossom by taking on the War on Christmas sounds like you’ve got a winner of an evening. The night features the talent of Josh LaBuda, Bernie Bousa, Nathan Zody, Joe Ransdell-Green, Naked Budz and other performers.
Latin Dance Night with DJ ATM
9 p.m. Boston’s. $5
Ay caramba, papi! Fairbanks’ DJ ATM, the man who knows all that is hot in Latin music, is hosting Latin Dance Night at Boston’s, 1243 Old Steese. It’s salsa, bachata, merengue, reggaeton, regional Mexicano, cumbias and more. 21 and up.
Ugly Sweater Holiday Party
9 p.m. The Blue Loon, 2999 Parks Highway. $5
Pull out that tacky wool creation Aunt Nelda Faye knitted for you three Christmases ago, it’s time to show it off with pride. Wear an ugly holiday sweater, get in free, win a prize. Simple. Plus, free ham in the front room starting at 9 p.m. and DJ dancing with DJ Li’l Mattie in the back room starting at 10 p.m. Cover is $5 but get in free if you’re wearing that fashion don’t.
Contact Features Editor Gary Black at 459-7504. Follow him on Twitter: @FDNM features.